I won’t put my relationships on social media again

“Be mindful about what you’re sharing, because once it’s online, it’s online forever,” says Lilly Sabri.

The fitness influencer, who has six million followers on YouTube, has urged fans to heed her words as she plans to return to Instagram after a long absence.

Two years ago she was living her dream, running two successful businesses helped by her explosion in popularity during the Covid lockdowns.

But the physiotherapist went silent on Instagram in 2023 when a popular gossip podcast shared a story about a man who had allegedly cheated on his well-known fiancée – with enough clues to suggest the man in question was her then partner.

She woke to find “thousands” of notifications from social media and messaging apps as seemingly the whole world wanted to know whether there was truth behind the rumours.

Lilly was watching the life she knew fall apart in real time.

The creators of the podcast, which the BBC has chosen not to name, say they are not responsible for actions taken as a result of their content.

Lilly – who has not discussed what happened in public until now – sat down with me to talk about the moment which changed her future.

Soon after the podcast launched, her social media feeds began to fill with what she called “investigator-style” videos speculating about her life and how she would react.

Her first step was to delete her Instagram app.

“I just had to get away from social media,” she said.

“People wanted answers, people wanted to see even more into my life, even when I asked for privacy.

“All I could do was control my own reaction and that meant withdrawing and protecting myself and my family.”

Lilly’s relationship ended, but there was much to untangle – her ex was also her business partner, leaving her faced with raising the funds to buy him out. He has been contacted by the BBC for comment.

She left Dubai, where she had been living with her partner, to move back in with her family in the UK – and had to lay off most of the companies’ staff.

“It was very humbling and very difficult,” Lilly said, explaining she had to go back to doing the work she used to have staff for – such as editing, filming her videos, and running the business’ social media feeds.

It meant even though she was trying her best to avoid it, Lilly was constantly engaging with social media platforms to keep her businesses going – and she had to try to avoid looking at myriad personal comments.

“I was trying to manage the heartbreak and the shock combined with keeping the business afloat,” she said.

Her most recent Instagram post until now, on her personal account, was uploaded in November 2023 – with many of the comments asking why she has not posted for so long.

Up until the gossip podcast launched, Lilly had been open about her life online.

And she accepted there may have “potentially” been less interest in her relationship had she shared less on social media.

“I truly don’t know the answer to that,” she said.

“I think when I compare to some other people, I didn’t show a lot of my lifestyle.

“But it was clearly enough for people to put two and two together.”

Lilly acknowledged she had shared snapshots about herself to help build her brand – to draw in those who wanted to know more about her – and for a long time it was a successful strategy.

While she maintained some boundaries such as not revealing information about her family, she said there was always an unspoken pressure to share more.

“I’ve learned people will constantly want more the more you give,” she said.

“If it’s just showing your dog, or sharing your relationship, it’s like ‘okay, what else, now show the house’.

“It can lead to a lot of exposure because you’re chasing likes or you feel that’s what your customers want.”

Nearly eighteen months after her most recent post, Lilly is in a different headspace.

Her business – the workout videos and a nutrition app – are thriving and she feels ready to return to her personal Instagram account – but with a very different set of rules this time around.

“I’m not going to be showing my personal relationships, I’ve been too scarred, and I can’t do it again,” she said.