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Netflix<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\nIt all started with a friend request.<\/p>\n Kirat Assi thought she’d hit the jackpot when Bobby, a handsome cardiologist, got in touch with her in 2009.<\/p>\n He wasn’t a total stranger. The pair were both from west London’s Sikh community and had friends in common.<\/p>\n So, Kirat accepted, and her online chats developed into deeper conversations before blossoming into a full-on love story.<\/p>\n The two became more and more entangled in each other’s lives but they never met, even after years of correspondence.<\/p>\n Bobby would provide increasingly outlandish excuses. He’d had a stroke. He’d been shot. He had entered witness protection.<\/p>\n The tall tales, though, were always backed up by someone close to Bobby – or so Kirat thought.<\/p>\n In truth, she was the victim of a wildly elaborate and traumatising catfishing scheme.<\/p>\n After nine years, when the excuses ran thin, Kirat finally came face-to-face with Bobby.<\/p>\n But she didn’t recognise the person in front of her.<\/p>\n The person she’d been messaging was her female cousin, Simran, who had been the brains behind everything.<\/p>\n Looking back now, Kirat asks herself: “How could you have been so stupid?”<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Kirat’s shocking story was a hit for podcast maker Tortoise in 2021. You can listen to that on BBC Sounds here<\/a>. Now, three years on, Netflix has recently released a documentary which features her recounting her experience.<\/p>\n She says that telling her story has prompted others to ask the same question: “How can somebody fall for that?”<\/p>\n It’s also prompted abuse from some people online.<\/p>\n “For people who might still think I’m stupid. That’s fine, you\u2019re allowed your opinion,” she tells BBC Asian Network News.<\/p>\n But Kirat says people shouldn’t make assumptions – and countering these was partly what prompted her to tell her story.<\/p>\n “I’m not stupid, I’m not dumb. I’m the one that’s chosen to speak.<\/p>\n “I’m the one that’s put myself out in the firing line and I hope others will come forward,” she says.<\/p>\n Which prompts another question: Why would someone who’d been duped in this way put themselves in the public eye?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Kirat, who’s from a Punjabi background, says speaking out was important because she wanted to challenge stigmas in the South Asian community.<\/p>\n “We are so scared to open up about these issues,” she says.<\/p>\n “Because of how a community will be seen by wider society, the victims in our communities keep suffering.”<\/p>\n Kirat says her dad’s reaction to her story is a good example of what she means.<\/p>\n “He doesn’t want to know what happened,” she says.<\/p>\n “Because to face up to what happened, and how horrific it was, it’s going to be painful.<\/p>\n “I love my dad and I know my dad loves me,” she says, adding: “It’s a different set of values that he has been brought up with.”<\/p>\n Kirat says she hasn’t spoken directly to “the real Bobby” about what happened, and puts this down to the community\u2019s reluctance to have difficult conversations.<\/p>\n She wonders if her experience would have been the same if she’d come from another background.<\/p>\n “I’d be making different decisions,” she says. <\/p>\n “Because we have responsibilities towards our community. You have the pressure of family.”<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Despite some negative reactions to the re-tellings of Sweet Bobby, Kirat says she would rather deal with questions up-front.<\/p>\n “If you do see me, don’t be scared to approach me,” she says.<\/p>\n “And if you want to say something which might be controversial to me, it’s OK. <\/p>\n “Let’s have a discussion about it,” she says.<\/p>\n When Kirat’s asked if speaking to podcast or documentary producers has given her a sense of closure, she’s less certain.<\/p>\n Simran rejected offers to be involved in the documentary, where she’s played by an actress.<\/p>\n Kirat successfully brought civil action against her cousin, receiving compensation and an apology at the end of the case.<\/p>\n A statement from Simran included in the show says: “This matter involves events that began when she was a schoolgirl. She considers it a private matter and strongly objects to what she describes as numerous unfounded and damaging accusations.”<\/p>\n Kirat says Simran hasn’t faced any criminal charges, and wants her to be held accountable. <\/p>\n “I’m not OK with that person being out there,” says Kirat.<\/p>\n There’s another question that she’s no closer to answering: Why?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Kirat doesn\u2019t think she will ever truly find out what drove the campaign against her. <\/p>\n “I think I’ve long given up,” she says. <\/p>\n “The extent to which that person went, you can’t ever justify it.<\/p>\n “I can’t understand why you didn’t stop\u2026 what gave you pleasure from hearing somebody in pain.”<\/p>\n But not having answers is not stopping her from moving forward with life, including dating again.<\/p>\n “I’m working really hard, harder than I should have to right now to rebuild my life and career,” she says.<\/p>\n “I don’t carry the victim mentality around with me. I don’t want to be that person.<\/p>\n “I’m going to carry on working towards goals and dreams.”<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare is available to watch on Netflix.<\/i><\/p>\n<\/div>\n Listen to Ankur Desai’s show on BBC Asian Network live<\/a> from 15:00-18:00 Monday to Thursday – or listen back here<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n![](\"https:\/\/www.bbc.com\/bbcx\/grey-placeholder.png\")
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Netflix<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n‘We have responsibilities towards our community’<\/h2>\n<\/p>\n
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Netflix<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n‘I don’t carry the victim mentality’<\/h2>\n<\/p>\n
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