BBC Newsbeat
BBCAward winning rapper Little Simz says she considered quitting music while working on her latest album following a split from her long-term producer.
“When self-doubt seeps in, when you really lose confidence in yourself, it’s not a joke,” she told 1Xtra’s DJ Target.
“It’ll have you questioning everything.”
Lotus, which dropped earlier, is the rapper’s first release since she stopped working with her former producer Dean Cover, better known as Inflo, who she first met at a youth club in London.
Earlier this year, she reportedly sued him for allegedly failing to pay her back after she lent him £1.7m. Inflo hasn’t commented on the case.
Simz told the BBC her new album explores the isolation she felt but is, at its core, about growth and moving on.
“I’ve always been someone who wants to win with who I’ve come up with,” the 31-year-old said.
“I love the idea of doing things as a team, you come with your people.
“Sometimes along the way, there’s a parting, there’s people going in different directions, and as I’m getting older I’m learning to be at peace with that and letting go and moving on.
“My music’s always been a space for me to speak about those things in a way that feels authentic and that’s honest.
“I think that’s part of my healing.”
Lotus is the Londoner’s sixth studio album and while she doesn’t mention Inflo by name, tracks like Thief and Lonely seem heavily influenced by the breakdown of their relationship.
In an interview with Billboard in April, Simz revealed she’d started four albums with the producer, all of which had to be scrapped.
And on Lonely, which she performed live in a special show at the BBC’s Maida Vale studios on Wednesday, she opens up about how shelving them made her lose her confidence.
She raps about “sitting in the studio with my head in my hands thinking, ‘what am I to do with this music I can’t write?'”
Despite being a decorated artist, winning the 2022 Mercury Prize and Brit, Mobo and Ivor Novello awards for her fourth album, Sometimes I Might Be Introvert, Simz says she still worried she wasn’t talented enough after the fall-out.
‘Here’s my diary’
She told DJ Target she wasn’t sure if she wanted to continue making music before recording Lotus, but the thought it could be her last album encouraged her to just throw everything at it.
The album, she says, “feels very exposed… literally, here’s my diary”.
Lonely, in particular, was described by NME as the “emotional epicentre” of the work.
Simz said it was “one of the moments on the album where I was like, I’m just going to tell it how it is and leave it on the record”.
Simz now said Lotus is the work she’s most proud of and that it’s restored her self-belief.
“This album has really helped bring me back to what my purpose is,” she told Radio 1’s Jack Saunders.
“I definitely feel way more empowered to do what I’m doing, and more confident than I did when I was first making this record.
“It’s really helped me find my belief in myself again.”
The album name, Lotus, is taken from the flower renowned for its ability to survive in hostile habitats.
Simz has said, like herself, it “learned how to thrive in muddy waters”.
“It’s such a brilliant example of something coming from these conditions and being something so beautiful and overcoming,” she says.
“One of the themes [of the album] is growth but it’s more so rising above it.
“We all go through madnesses in life and we’re all doing our best to figure out how to overcome things.
“It’s OK to sometimes feel a bit lost.”
BBC Newsbeat contacted Inflo’s representatives for comment but did not get a response.
Little Simz: Live at the BBC is available to stream on BBC iPlayer now.
